You’re Allowed To Be Disappointed, This Is Not The 2020 You Ordered For.

You walked into 2020 hoping this would be the best year of your life. You hoped you would accomplish every single thing on your checklist. You hoped you would finally find a sense of happiness and peace and stability. You hoped this would be the best year (and decade) you have ever experienced. So it’s okay if you’re feeling off balance right now.

It’s okay if you’re unsure what to think. It’s okay if you’re sick to your stomach with worry, if you’re unable to focus on simple tasks, if you’re scared or angry or disappointed.

Even though what’s going on in the world is so much bigger than any of us, even though it’s more important now than ever to care about the well-being of your family, friends, and strangers across the world you’ve never even met before, you’re still allowed to be disappointed about your own personal losses, no matter how small, no matter how silly, no matter how meaningless they may seem in the long-run.

You’re allowed to be disappointed about cancelling the date you’ve been excited about for weeks, or the trip you’ve been planning for months, or the wedding you’ve been planning for years. You’re allowed to be disappointed about missing out on time spent with your friends or with your crush or with your forever person who lives far, far away.

You’re allowed to be disappointed about not getting to sit next to the person you’ve been flirting with in class anymore or not getting to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends or not getting to cross off every event listed on your calendar.
You’re allowed to be disappointed that you can’t go about your day like usual, that the things you usually take for granted have suddenly been taken away from you, that your world has been turned upside down and inconvenienced.

Feeling sad or frustrated or disappointed about your own personal problems isn’t selfish. It doesn’t make you a horrible person. You’re allowed to cry your eyes out. You’re allowed to complain about what you’re missing. You’re allowed to be upset. Your feelings are completely valid — as long as you don’t let them overshadow the big picture. As long as you stay safe, stay inside, and stay smart. As long as you understand, sometimes, the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do. As long as you understand this universe doesn’t revolve around any one of us.

Even though things might be rough right now, there are going to be plenty of times in the future when you grab drinks with friends again, when you can get in shape at the gym again, when you can make-out with your crush again. When all this is over, you can make up for lost time. You can really live without holding yourself back, without any restraints.

But for now, you’re going to have to pause. You’re going to have to learn to enjoy your own company. You’re going to have to take a break from your average life.

And even though there are much larger problems in the world, it’s still okay to be disappointed about that. 

Sein Sindishwa
Sein Sindishwa
Nairobi-based poet, writer, avid coffee drinker, and music lover. Author, designer, and all-around creative rover for Fellout Afrikana

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