Love.
I gave him in doubles
Over time, in twofold
Taking comfort in the fact that I am a giver. Forgetting that even givers needed to receive. To be cared for. Forgetting that that was just the novelty of a young love. Just like that of a new car that slowly begins to wear off after some scratches and endless repairs.
But all along, it was me being selfless
I’ll call it a selfless love .
Yes, that sounds better.
One that I struggle with deep within
Even whilst I’m awake
Because pain never goes out of vogue Regardless of how hard you try not to remember. It reminds you of what it is made up of.
Full of conceit…
Not something I preferred in a s/o but it was a red flag I chose to ignore. Something that should have been an eye opener for me. Always meeting his needs while overlooking mine, never meeting halfway – compromise wasn’t a known vocabulary to him. Constantly fooled by the seeming assurance coming from him. Blindly allowed myself to drown in misery all in the name of different love languages – what a taker gave as an excuse.
***
In the present…
Took the plunge and embarked on a journey of self – discovery. I’m obese with love, more of self – love in this case. Never saw it coming. I might as well get used to it. Allowing the magic that comes in pieces fully knowing that a pure heart will always win. Content with the present.
For the present is a gift
however subtle it may seem.
I’m learning and I’m just starting to grow. Till next time!
XO?
